Rules of Hogwarts
by DBZHakushoMoonBop
Summary: Jael, Felina and Lulu are the reason for the Rules of Hogwarts. Here's why.
1. 2, 12, 13, 15, 16, 17, 18, 23

DHMB: Hello to all. I know a few of you have read my story Jael, Felina and Lulu, this is just me taking them and making them do random stuff. If you didn't read it, you don't have to to understand this story. If you did read it, this story takes place back when they were in Hogwarts in their 7th year. I found the Rules of Hogwarts and couldn't help myself. I know it's probably over done, but I simply had to do it. Get over it. Yes I deleted the other chapters so I could rearrange them and re-post them. Once again, sorry. Yes the catagory is Draco and Harry for a reason that will be revealed in good time. Well actually it'll be because of all the slash comments and insinuations made about them having a relationship. And probably catching them making out if I can weave it in there. Don't like...DON'T FUCKING READ! Seriously some people need to get over themselves. Anyway…ONWARD!

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><p>Lulu petted the Hippogriff on the back of his neck. The rest of the class looked on in slight worry. Hagrid had gone to take care of something or other and Lulu had taken center stage.<p>

"Oi, the 'Ippagriff is one of the world's vainest creatures," Lulu said in an Australian accent. "It is no' wise to piyss it off."

"Lulu, you better be careful," Jael warned.

"Oi, I've wrestled crocs', yeh think a 'Ippagriff scares me?" Lulu exclaimed. "Now, I'm gonna stick my finger up 'is arse, and reelly piyss 'him off!"

"WHAT?" Felina cried.

"Jus' kiddin'," Lulu said with a grin. "Notice the long claws, which thoroughly whomped Draco when he acted like a jack arse!"

The students burst into giggles.

"Ms. Bolt, I wasn't aware that you have taken over for Hagrid in teaching Care of Magical Creatures."

Everyone turns to see Dumbledore standing behind the group, blue eyes twinkling.

"Aye, sir," Lulu said, not dropping her accent. "'E got inta a bit of a mess, so I decided to take over. After all, I been wrestling croc's me 'ole life, 'ow 'ard coul' a 'Ippagriff be?" Dumbledore smiled.

"Well, don't let me stop you," he said. "I would most enjoy seeing you teach."

"Right then, sir," Lulu said. "Now, when approaching a 'Ippagriff you must remember no' the loo' it in the eyes!"

"MS. BOLT!" The class whirled around to find Professor Snape standing there, scowling.

"Why, Severus," Dumbldore said with a smile. "I was just enjoying 's little lesson."

"You shouldn't encourage her," Snape snapped. He walks forward and grabbed Lulu, pulling her away from the Hippogriff.

**2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.**

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><p>"I put fifty galleons on death by centaurs," Jael said, tossing her money onto the floor before the group.<p>

"Really, I was thinking he was going just flat out get canned," Lulu said.

"Nah, Lupin's too good of a teacher to get canned," Sebastian Fairwood said. "He's probably going to be crazy as hell." Sebastian tossed thirty galleons onto the floor.

"I think he will be revealed to be a 'dark ceature' and quit when he endangers the life of a student after his instincts take over," Felina said, throwing forty-five galleons in.

"That's…oddly specific," Clara Orba commented.

~*Fast-forward*~

Felina held out her heavy galleon filled purse and gloated.

"Told ya, suckers!" she said.

"Ms. Accius, how did you acquire such a nice sum of Money?" Snape asked, glaring.

"Betting pool," Jael explained.

"And just what were you betting on?" Snape inquired in a dangerous voice.

"The fate of the DADA teacher," Lulu said. "We thought it was a clever money making scheme." Snape sighed and pinched the bride of his nose.

**12. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever moneymaking concept.**

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><p>"Ahhhhhh!" Jael cried, sprinting down the hall. Dumbledore grabbed the terrified girl and pulled her to a stop.<p>

"Ms. Gibran, what on earth has you so terrified?" the headmaster asked.

"You have to help me!" Jael exclaimed, looking behind her in fear.

"If I am able, I will," Dumbledore said. "But you must tell me what is wrong."

"It's Finnegan!" Jael shrieked.

"What about Mr. Finnegan?" Dumbledore pressed.

"He-He…He's after me Lucky Charms!" Jael called, pulling out a box of cereal. Dumbledore grinned.

**13. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".**

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><p>The Great Hall was a bustle of movement, as was the norm in the mornings. Students were eating, talking and watching for the familiar brown, white and black of the Owls delivering the post.<p>

"What the bloody hell is that?" someone asked.

"Is that owl purple?"

The school owls swooped in in a colorful display of red, greens, blues, yellows and purples. Their feathers were a bright array of colors and patterns, filling the Great Hall with a bright rainbow of feathers.

"MS. ACCIUS, MS. BOLT, MS. GIBRAN!"

**15. I will not tye-dye all of the owls.**

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><p>"Hi, I'm Harry Potter!" Lulu said, sticking her cloth covered hand over the side of the table. The arms of the crudely made Harry Potter puppet flapped around as she moved her arm.<p>

"And I'm Ron Weasley!" Felina said, sticking a Ron puppet over the edge next to the Harry puppet.

"Let's go bother Snape!" Lulu said.

"I am Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts," Jael drawled, producing a Snape puppet over the edge of the table.

"Ready?" Lulu asked. "Let's go bother him!" The Harry and Ron puppet began bumping up against the Snape puppet while Lulu and Felina chanted;

"Bother, Bother, bother, bother!"

"No, stop! Ah! Get off!" Jael cried. "Meeehhh."

The Harry and Ron puppet's then moved away from the Snape puppet that lay draped over the table.

"Woo-hoo that was fun!" Felina said.

"I liked the part where he stopped moving!" Lulu commented.

The puppets were quiet for a moment, then Felina declared;

"Let's do it again!"

The Harry and Ron Puppet's zipped over to the Snape puppet who had righted himself and began slapping him again.

"Oh, no," Jael drawled.

"Bother, bother, bother, bother, bother!" Felina and Lulu chanted.

"Stop! Stop! Stop it!" Jael demanded. Suddenly the Snape puppet pulled out it's wand and cried;

"Avada Kedavra!"

"OOOhhhh!" Lulu and Felina cried, then the Harry and Ron puppets slumped over on the table.

"Oh dear," Jael said. Lulu slide her hand out of the Harry puppet and into a Dumbledore puppet, which she pushed up next to the Snape puppet.

"Hello, Severus," she said.

"Headmaster!" Jael said. "I-I-I can explain, sir."

"What's this?" Lulu exclaimed while the Snape puppet quickly made it's escape. "It seem's young Harry and Ron are taking an afternoon nap! Let's see what they've got in their pockets." The Dumbledore then begins to raid the other two puppet's pcokets.

"Alas, nine sickles and a dungbomb. It must be my lucky day," Lulu declares. "Now, where did Snape go? For that matter…where the hell am I?"

The Dumbledore puppet looks around the room then drops below the table. When it reemerges it's naked and calls out;

"Naked time!" Before it begins to dance.

"MS. BOLT, MS. ACCIUS AND MS. GIBRAN!"

**16. I will not reenact Harry Potter Puppet Pals in the Great Hall.**

Felina ducked beneath Snape's desk while he examined a student's work in the back.

"Let's go bother, Snape!" She declared, brandishing the Ron puppet.

"MS. ACCIUS!"

**17. Or anywhere else for that matter.**

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><p>"I demand you do something about this!" Filch cried. "Those brats have gone too far! They need to be punished! Caned if you can!"<p>

"Mr. Filch you know good and well that we no longer cane students here," Snape said. "But aside from that I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Look!" Filch yelled, moving to the side and pointing at Mrs. Norris who stood behind him, looking none too happy. Her foul mood may have simply been her usual demeanor or it may have had to do with the fact that she was completely hairless.

**18. I will not shave Mrs. Norris.**

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><p>"Lulu, stop it!" Jael hissed.<p>

"What?" Lulu asked innocently, not peeking up from under her desk.

"Trelawny may actually fall for that crap," the blue haired girl snapped.

"Not my problem," Lulu replied. "Is Trelawny a big fat phony?" She peered at something beneath her desk then wrote something on her parchment.

"Alright class, time to turn in your work," Trelawny called. "Let us see if you were able to peer through the fog."

Lulu handed her paper to the Professor with a grin that startled the shawl draped woman. Lulu was usually very vocal about her opinion that Trelawny was a quack. The Professor collected all the papers then pulled out Lulu's curiously. As she read through the essay she was surprised to find it was a normal paper, unlike most of Ms. Bolt's mocking work.

"Very good, Ms. Bolt," she said, then scowled. "On the question 'Will Harry Potter live long enough to screw Draco' I don't understand you answer."

"What's not to understand?" Lulu inquired with a mischievous grin.

"The answer is 'Ask again later'."

The muggle-borns in the class began to snicker.

**23. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.**


	2. 27,38,39,42,58,69,76,77,80,8387,95 etc

**DHMB: **Wh00t! Another chapter finished!  
>It has recently come to my attention that those who enjoy my storys and read when I post up the flames have taken to trolling the flammers accounts and I just want to say...I find this hilarious. I knew publicly posting flames was a good idea. Maybe it should cut down on the douche bags who apparently need to get laid since they literally have nothing better to do. Well, I hope you enjoy. And If I didn't say so be4fore, if you don't like this story, you are under no obligation to read it and can at any time hit the back button to escape it. Feel free to do so instead of posting a flame. I personally don't flame unless someone is just so big headed about their own "ability". Like, oh I'm such a good writer, everyone else is so bad, my stories rock, and everything they write is crap. No sug, you suck, get a pin to pop the big ass head of yours.<p>

Anyway...onward!

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><p>"C'mon, get it!" Jael taunted.<p>

"Ms. Gibran this is not appropriate behavior for a student to engage in with a teacher," Professor Flitwick said.

"Awe, C'mon!" Jael teased. "You can do it!"

"Ms. Gibran!" Flitwick snapped. Jael smirked and continued to dangle the Professor's wand over his head.

**27. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.**

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><p>"Ms. Accius, what are you doing?" Snape asked, watching as the girl scribbled intently on her own arm.<p>

"Drawing the new dark mark," the cat eared girl replied, holding up her arm to show a smiley face with an equally smiling snake wrapped around it. "Want one?"

Snape suppressed the urge to thump his own forehead with the heel of his palm.

**38. I am not allowed to draw a smiley face on my arm and tell everyone it's the new Dark Mark.**

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><p>"How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?"<p>

"…"

"How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?"

"….."

"How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?"

"…"

"How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?"

"MS. BOLT!"

**39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.**

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><p>"Ms. Accius, you are wearing on my last nerve," Snape growled.<p>

"You take yourself too seriously," Felina said, not looking up from her paper. When silence met her statement she peeked up at her head of house.

"Wow, Professor, your face is REALLY red!"

**42. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.**

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><p>"I challenge you!" Lulu declared, brandishing a sword at the Sytherin Prefect.<p>

"Uhm.." the boy stared at her confused.

"I wish to defend Draco's honor! You will die!" she continued.

"Lulu!" Jael and Felina called, chasing after her.

"Stop watching Utena and getting drunk!" Felina snapped, trying to take the sword from the girl.

"But I must challenge the student council to win back Draco's honor!" Lulu cried. "Otherwise Harry will never want to date him!"

"Ms. Bolt!"

**58. Hogwarts does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will cease going after the prefects with a sword.**

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><p>"…and that's when the goblin's began the war of 1576 which…" Professor Binns droned on.<p>

"FOOD FIGHT!" Jael screamed and threw a pie at Oliver Wood.

**69. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor**

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><p>"Look at this!" Draco shrieked, motioning to his torn and bleached robes.<p>

"What the hell happened?" Blaise demanded, looking down at his lime green robes.

"I think it's a nice change," Dumbledore commented, smiling at the students in their multicolored and bleached garbs. His own robes were magenta and sky blue.

**76. I am no longer allowed in the student laundry.**

"Why Severus, that's a lovely shade of purple," Dumbledore commented.

**77. -Or the teacher laundry.**

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><p>Felina sat on the hospital bed looking sullen as Madame Pomfry pulled out salves and potions. Her one cheek and hands had scratch marks on them while the other cheek sported a small burn. Her right arm had a burn that extended to her shoulder and was black in some places. Her one eye had a shiner; her school robes were torn and singed and some of her hair had been burnt. She was covered in cat hair. Beside her Professor Snape looked slightly amused.<p>

"It's not funny," she pouted.

"Perhaps not to you, Ms. Accius, but I assure you I find amusement in the fact that the predicament you find yourself in is caused by your own folly," the Potions Master said.

**80. It is generally accepted that Cats and Dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.**

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><p>"Ms. Bolt, what are you drinking?" Snape asked watching as Lulu stumbled down the hall, clutching a half full bottle to her chest.<p>

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, do de do do, there they are all standing in a row!" she sang.

"Ms. Bolt!"

"Prof. Snape!" Lulu mocked.

"What is that?" Snape asked, pointing once again to the bottle clutched in Lulu's hand.

"Gryffindor courage," Lulu responded. Snape grabbed the bottle and read the label, scowling.

"Ms. Bolt!"

**83. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled firewhiskey.**

"Fine, fine!" Lulu exclaimed, pulling out her wand. She murmured something and a spark of light hit the label of the bottle.

"Ima sell it to the Hufflepuffs," the girl slurred, trying to snatch the bottle back from her Professor and failing. Snape glanced at the label as he lifted the bottle to a height Lulu was unable to reach.

"Ms. Bolt…" he sighed.

**84. -Charming the label does not change anything.**

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><p>Felina peered it to her cauldron and smiled. It was the exact shade of green indicated on the board. She banked the fire and sat down in her chair, pleased with herself.<p>

'This deserves a treat," she thought and dug in her bag, pulling out a chocolate frog. She popped off the box lid and tried to grab the frog that hopped on the desk. It dodged her attempt and hopped along the floor.

"Ms. Accius!" Snape bellowed.

**85. I am not allowed to eat Chocolate Frogs in Potions class.**

"But, I'm hungry!" Felina complained.

"So are the other student's I'm sure," Snape sneered.

"I have more!" Felina said.

**86. -Even if I brought enough for everyone.**

Felina grabbed her bag and moved to the front of the classroom. She upended her bag over  
>Snape's desk, causing the contents of said bag to crash into the wood and push other objects on the desk to the floor. As well as her school books and papers, fifty boxes of chocolate frogs spilled from the depths of Felina's school bag, some springing open when they hit the solid surface, releasing the charmed snack inside. The chocolate frogs jumped around the room, ribbiting.<p>

Snape's face turned an alarming shade of red and he gripped the edge of his desk so hard it looked as if he may break it off.

**87. -Emptying a bag full of them onto Professor Snape's desk to prove this last is unacceptable behavior.**

"Ms. Gibran, can you come here please?" McGonagall called out in the Transfiguration class room. Jael stood up

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><p>and made her way to the front of the classroom.<p>

"Ms. Gibran, I wanted to speak with you about-…"

"I have it on good authority you have no evidence!" Jael cried.

"Ms. Gibran!"

**95. The proper way to report to Professor McGonagall is "You wanted to see me, Professor?" Not "I have it on good authority that you have no evidence."**

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><p>Felina ran forward and grabbed Professor Snape's hands, holding them to her chest.<p>

"Who was it that thus cried? Why, worthy thane, you do unbend your noble strength, to think so brainsickly of things," she cried. She dropped his hands and moved to his side, grabbing his arm and making to guide him somewhere. "Go get some water, and wash this filthy witness from your hand. Why did you bring these daggers from the place? They must lie there: go carry them; and smear the sleepy grooms with blood."

"Ms. Accius, this is not appropriate," Snape said, glaring.

"Infirm of purpose!" Felina continued. "Give me the daggers: the sleeping and the dead are but as pictures: 'tis the eye of childhood that fears a painted devil. If he do bleed, I'll gild the faces of the rooms withal; For it must seem their guilt." Felina then stood on her tip-toes and planted a chaste kiss on Snapes mouth.

**97. I am not possessed by the ghost of Lady MacBeth.**

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><p>"You're such a slut," Sytherin Amanda Greengrass sneered at Lulu.<p>

"And if you opened a book as much as you open your legs you'd be pretty damn smart!" Lulu sneered. Amanda flushed an ugly shade of red as the student's behind her laughed and mocked her.

"I bet you don't even wear underwear!" Amanda accused.

"Oh yeah!" Lulu challenged, gathering up her robe and skirt and pulling them up to expose her lower half.

**99. When someone accuses me of not wearing any drawers, I should ignore them. Attempting to prove them wrong is indecent.**

"Lulu, you're not wearing panties!" Felina shrieked, trying to tug the girls skirt down.

"Oh yeah," Lulu said. "I ran out and was waiting for the elves to do the laundry."

**100. -Especially if I can't.**

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><p>"Ms. Accius, you and your friend's behavior these past few months has been atrocious," Snape said.<p>

"I'm sorry, Snookums," Felina cooed.

**103. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums".**

"Ms. Accius!" Snaped snarled.

"Felina, you know he hates that name," Lulu chastised. "Right, Snapey-poo?"

"Don't you mean 'Sev'," Jael asked.

"Let's call him Debbie!" Felina recommended.

"Debbie, are you okay?" Jael asked.

"Yeah, your face is really red," Lulu said.

**104. -Neither does he respond favorably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie".**

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><p>"I want one 'Snape in red and gold boxers," Ron Weasly said.<p>

"10 galleons," Felina said. The box handed over the money and Felina passed him a pictured of Snape in his quarters, wearing red and gold boxers.

"One 'Flitwick spying on McGonagall'," Clara Orba requested.

"Five Galleons," Felina said. Clara handed over the money and Felina gave her a picture of McGonagall's head and naked shoulders with Flitwick peeking in the window behind her.

"MS. ACCIUS!"

**107. I am not authorized to sell incriminating pictures of the faculty to students.**

"One 'Professor Lupin cos-playing as the big bad wolf and sneaking up on Snape'," Pavarti said.

"Here ya go!" Felina said. "No charge!"

"MS. ACCIUS!"

**108. -Giving the same pictures out free of charge is also frowned upon.**


	3. 109,111,123,136,151,154,177,178,179

**DHMB: Hello, thanks to all the encouraging reviews. I'm glad many of you find this as hilarious as me and my friends do. Funny thing is, some of this stuff we really did when we were in school, just without the magic of course. And to all flamers, you're still gettin publicly posted. I apologize to anyone who was upset by the fact that I removed anyon. reviews but it cut down on this one particular loser or group of losers who really need to get laid and/or have mommy revoke thier computer privlages. I realize there is probably alot of typos. I have fake nails on now and it makes typing a challenge and I don't have a beta. I did but they seem to have dropped of the face of the earth. I did kinda overwork her since I had alot of back-up work but que sera sera. Anyone who wants to beta for me, message me!**

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><p>"And I want a pony, and a computer, and a new broom since Jael crashed my last one into a wall. Oh and a puppy!" Lulu demanded from her perch on Dumbledore's lap.<p>

"Ms. Bolt, you are going to miss the Hogwarts train home," Dumbledore said.

**109. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.**

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><p>Jael sighed as Snape began to explain the properties of wormwood to the class. She already knew this.<p>

"Hey, Lulu," she hissed.

"What?" Lulu asked.

"Let's play hangman," Jael suggested.

"Jael, I'm taking notes," Lulu snapped. "Not everyone is ahead of the class like you are."

Jael glared but turned to Felina.

"Don't even think about it," the red-haired girl said, not even looking up from her notebook. Jael sighed and twirled her wand between her fingers. She glanced over at Felina and grinned, inching it over towards the girls face before subtly using it to pick her nose.

"Stop it!" Felina growled, swatting the other girl away. Jael pouted and looked down at her desk. She began drumming her wand on the desk, tapping out the tune to Queen's 'We are the Champions'.

"Ms. Gibran, cease that retched noise immediately," Snape barked.

"Yes, sir," Jael sighed. Snape went back to his lecture. Jael looked around the class, bored again. She pointed her wand at her paper, turning it into a set of 6 red balls. With a grin, she used her wand to line up a shot and hit one ball, rocketing it into the back of a student's head where it bounced off and knocked over a full cauldron.

**111. A wand is for magic only; it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.**

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><p>Felina stood on the staff table, wand in hand. She cast <em>Sonorous <em>on her throat and leaned down to turn on the portable CD player. The music filled the Great Hall piping the curiosity of the students. In groups of two and three they wandered into the Hall to see what was going on.

"Sweat baby sweat baby

Sex is a Texas drop me

Can you do the kind of stuff that only friends would sing about?

So put your hands down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts

Yes I'm Sisco, Yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up

You've had enough of two hand touch

You want it rough you're out of bounds," Felina sang, dancing along the stage. Some students looked shocked by the lyrics she was singing while others couldn't stop laughing. In front of the tale Jael and Lulu were dancing along with the song, making rude gestures to accompany the lyrics.

"I want you smothered want you covered

Like my waffle house hash browns

Come quick like fed ex

Irridgenate like fex

Just like cuticle cost stock

You are inclined to make me rise an hour early

Just like day light savings time," Felina continued.

"MS. ACCIUS!"

**123. There is no "open-mike night" at Hogwarts.**

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><p>Harry pressed himself as close as he could to Draco, while still trying to tear the other boy's shirt open. His mouth was crushed to the young Malfoy's as he seemingly tried to devour said boys face. Draco gripped the dark haired boy's waist, returning the fervent kiss.<p>

Harry pulled away with a gasp, trying to tear Draco's clothes from his body.

"Need you," he gasped out.

"Yes," Draco hissed. Someone suddenly grabbed Harry and hauled him off Draco. The blonde boy whimpered at the loss and looked behind Harry. Snape had a firm grip on the boys arm and was trying to get him to drink a potion. Harry fought his Professor and continued to try and get to Draco.

"Hey," Draco protested. "Let him go." Snape leveled the Slytherin with a glare and continued trying to force feed his student. Harry broke free of Snape's grip and tried to run to Draco, but he tripped over an empty discarded potion's vile. The remaining trickle of pink liquid from the potion had spilt on the floor, making the vile all but rocket out from under Harry's foot as he stepped on it. Harry fell back into Snape's waiting arms. The Potions Master grabbed the boy about his waist and threw him to the floor. He then straddled his student and attempted to force his mouth open.

"No!" Draco cried. "Leave him alone!"

"Mr. Malfoy, you should know better than to take advantage of a student under the effects of a lust potion," Snape spat, finally forcing the potion down his students throat. Harry sputtered and coughed but eventually swallowed the potion. Snape sighed and stood, making his way over to his desk and pulling out a piece of parchment. On it, he wrote one simply thing before, tying the note to an owl's leg and sending it on it's way;

"_Detention, Ms. Bolt, at 8:00."_

**136. I am not to conjure the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Snape's classroom.**

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><p>"Ms. Gibran, what are you doing?" Snape asked.<p>

"Adding another table in the Great Hall," Jael explained.

"And exactly _why_ are you adding another table?" Snape inquired.

"All the houses need tables," Jael replied.

"Indeed, which brings me back to _why_ you are placing a fifth table in the hall," Snape said.

"Five tables for five houses," Jael said.

"Ms. Gibran, there are only four houses," Snape pointed out.

"Nu-uh," Jael protested. "There's Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Accbolran."

"Accbolran?" Snape questioned.

"Yeah," Jael said.

"And when did this house come about?" Snape asked.

"About a week ago," Jael replied.

"And who is the founder of said house?" Snape queried.

"Me, Felina and Lulu," Jael answered with a smile. Snape clenched his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

**151. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts, and I am not a member of that house, nor am I its founder.**

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><p>Felina smiled, pocketing the decent chunk of change as she watched Crabbe and Goyle walk off with a piece of parchment covered in owl ink foot prints. She laughed as the two studied the parchment intently and turned to head back to her dorm, running smack into Professor Snape. The black haired man glared at her.<p>

"Uhm…hi?" she tried with a guilty smile.

**154. I am not allowed to ink my owl's feet, have it walk across a parchment, and sell the result as cheat sheets for Ancient Runes, even though Crabbe and Goyle keep falling for it.**

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><p>"Ms. Gibran, can you tell the class what 'Avada Kedavra' does?" Lupin asked, interrupting Jael's intense session of desk drumming.<p>

"IT DOES DEATH!" Jael exclaimed, making the other students snicker.

**177. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavra curse does, yelling "It does DEATH!" may be correct but is not the manner in which one should answer.**

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><p>Fudge followed Dumbledore, accompanied by Lucius Malfoy and Dolores Umbridge.<p>

"So glad you could find time to show us how things are going at this school," Fudge said.

"Of course," Dumbledore said. "We want to assure the Ministry that the appropriate measures are being taken to ensure the safety of the students and that said students are still getting a proper education and enjoying their time here," Dumbledore said, "even with the threat of Sirius Black. Wouldn't you agree, Severus?"

"Yes, Headmaster," Snape said.

"Very good then," Fudge said.

"I've heard you've had your hands full, Severus," Lucius said with a grin.

"Scandalous rumors and nothing more," Snape commented. Dumbledore stopped and turned to face the Ministry group.

"Our students may have limited privileges, but they still enjoy enough freedom to interact and socialize and we do try to keep the curriculum interesting," he said.

"Weeeeeee!" Lulu dashed by the group, stark naked and covered in war paint from head to toe.

"You shall not win!" Jael cried, following after the silver haired girl, naked as well. She too was coated with war paint on almost every available space on her body.

"You shall die!" Felina yelled, chasing after them, clothed in revealing armor and battle gear that consisted of an armored bikini top and bottom with leather straps, arm bands, knee high boots and a helmet, wielding a club.

The Ministry officials stared after the girls before turning wide eyes on the Headmaster who coughed to cover up a laugh.

"As I said we attempt to keep the curriculum interesting. It seems Ms. Accius, Ms. Bolt and Ms. Gibran have decided to reenact the goblin battle of 1675 for their History project," Dumbledore said, "though I must remind them that not all aspects of History are appropriate for them to reenact in the school halls."

"Quite," Fudge said, coughing.

**178. Not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.**

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><p>Felina sighed as she glanced at the clock on the wall of the potions class. Twenty minutes left of class and she was bored. She had already finished her work. She glanced over to Lulu and realized the young girl had a blood pop sticking out of the robe of her pocket.<p>

Reaching over, she carefully plucked it from her friends pocket and unwrapped it. She sucked on it, relishing in the sweet yet salty taste. Pulling it out of her mouth she licked a long strip up the sucker, then sucked it back into her mouth, moaning slightly. She darted her tongue out to catch some drool at the base of the pop. After sucking it a bit more, she pulled it out of her mouth and wrapped her tongue around it.

"MS. ACCIUS!"

**179. I am not allowed to eat lollipops within Professor Snape's sight ever again.**


	4. 213,214,217,218,219,220,247,259,277 etc

**DHMB: Yup, another day, another chapter. I must apologize to all in advance. When I uploaded the chapter it took out almost ALL of the punctuation. T-T I tried to go back and fix it but,  
>I'm human. I may have missed something. The uploader seems to be sooooooo glitchy! Has anyone else noticed this? Seriously! WTF! ARGGHHH! -bangs head against keyboard- Anyway...onward!<strong>

* * *

><p>"Wow, Lulu!" Felina said, "Where did you get that robe?" Lulu wore a long deep red robe with tight sleeves and a flowing skirt.<p>

"My Sugar Daddy got it for me," the silver haired girl declared.

"The necklace too?" Clara asked, admiring the diamond web necklace.

"Yup!" Lulu said. "He takes such good care of me."

"Who's your sugar daddy?" Brittney Anistona asked.

"Lucius Malfoy," Lulu said.

**213. Lucius Malfoy is not my "sugar daddy" and I will not claim he is.**

"WHAT?" Draco cried, looking at the older girl horrified.

**214. -That goes double when Draco Malfoy is within earshot.**

* * *

><p>Felina smirked as she made her way towards her detention with Lupin. As she made her way down the hall, she knocked over suits of armor and students were made to dive out of her way or drop to the ground and crawl under her. She got to the classroom door way, but was having a bit of trouble getting through the door. She moved back a bit, ran a few steps and threw her weight against the door. She sprang free on the other side but she had too much momentum to stop and bounced around the class room, knocking over shelves, desks, artifacts and other miscellaneous knick knacks scattered about the class room. Professor Lupin rushed out of his office at the noise and stared around in shock. Felina smiled at him from the other side of her bubble barrier.<p>

**217. I will not levitate anywhere in a big pink bubble.**

* * *

><p>"Hey, Professor," Jael called as she waltzed into detention. Snape didn't even glance up from his grading as he motioned towards a stack of dirty cauldrons. Jael waved her wand towards them and they immediately began scrubbing themselves. Snape glanced up and sighed.<p>

"Ms. Gibran, you are supposed to clean those by hand," he said.

"You didn't specify that," Jael commented. "Oh, guess what I did?"

"I shudder to think and should most likely not inquire, but what?" Snape asked.

"I got a bunch of sugar quills and gave them out to all the firsties and sent them to class, then I went in the Gryffindor common room and replaced all their quills with them and _then_ I replaced all of Dumbledore's quills with them _and then.._"

"Ms. Gibran!"

**218. My professors have neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Sugar Quills.**

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><p>Felina, Jael and Lulu sat outside near the entrance, relaxing. Felina looked down at herself.<p>

"I'm hungry," she said.

"I'm sorry," Lulu replied.

"Ima eat your tie!" Felina declared, tackling Lulu.

"AH! GET OFF!" Lulu cried as Felina began to chew on her friends tie.

"Ms. Accius!" Snape called as he emerged from within the castle.

**219. No part of the school uniform is edible.**

Lulu ran down the hall, screaming. Professor Snape grabbed the girl and pulled her to a stop.

"Ms. Bolt why are you-….where is your shirt?"

Lulu crossed her arms over her chest to hide her bra from her professor's line of sight. Snape pulled the students robe closed and quickly buttoned it.

"What happened to your shirt?" he asked again.

"Felina _ate_ it!"

**220. –I am not allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.**

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><p>"Let us in!"<p>

"Shhhh…we is try…trying to be..qui-qui-quiet!"

"We're fucking locked out! Screw being quiet!"

"Bitch."

"Let us in! I'm cold!"

Snape made his way closer to the gates of Hogwarts, noticing it was Felina and Lulu who stood at the gate. When he was a few feet from the gate, he stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing in exasperation at the sight before him.

Felina's clothes were two sizes too big for the lithe girl. The shirt drooped low, exposing her pink polka dot bro and the skirt was lopsided on her hips, revealing part of her matching thong. The robe trailed behind her like a cape with the cuffs covering her hands.

Lulu seemed to have the opposite problem. Her clothes were far too small for the voluptuous girl's frame. The shirt was stretched tight of her ample breast and showed her midriff. She seemed to have only been able to manage the lower few buttons and her black bra with red skulls was left visible. The skirt had been fixed higher on her waist and left unzipped so that her matching panties were revealed through the zipper and underneath the skirt. The robe was tight across her shoulders and back and the sleeves went halfway up her forearms. Both girls were barefoot with their hair a mess and reeked of alcohol.

**247. I should not show up at the front gate wearing part of another houses uniform, messily drunk.**

* * *

><p>"Shut up!" Lulu cried, leveling a dangerous glare at Amanda Greengrass. "Oh my gods, do you even ever listen to your own inane chatter or just tune it out 'cause even <em>you<em> can't stand to hear yourself talk?"

"Your mother was a blood traitor for even thinking of sleeping with your father!" Amanda sneered. "Before her, the line was one of the purest out there!"

Snape moved forward to stop Amanda from speaking further. She wouldn't get much more out if Lulu's murderess expression was anything to go by. Suddenly, the furious expression left Lulu's face almost as if it had been cut off. Her full lips twisted into an evil smile and she brandished her wand.

"_AVADA KEDAVRA_!" Lulu cried. Amanda shrieked and dove to the side, slamming into a suit of armor, causing it to fall on top of her. Lulu burst out laughing at the sight of the normally prissy girl in a heap on the floor. Still laughing, she stepped over the fallen girl and made her way down the corner. As she passed the dark corridor Snape was hiding in, he casually fell into step behind her.

"Ms. Bolt…" he began.

"She deserved it," Lulu said flippantly.

"Be that as it may you could have tried any other curse," Snape pointed out. Lulu simply shrugged.

**259. I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.**

* * *

><p>"You three," McGonagall said, pointing to Jael, Felina and Lulu. "The headmaster wishes to see you."<p>

Jael, Felina and Lulu stood and gathered their school bags then exited the class. Lulu stood in the middle of the hall and set her hands on her hips. Felina and Jael each moved to one side of her and looped their arms through hers. The three then began to skip down the hall, singing.

**277. I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office'.**

As they passed the portrait of the bowl of fruit, Felina paused and ran inside. When she reemerged she had thirty house elves in tow. The three then resumed their skipping and singing with the house elves joining in.

**278. - I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.**

Dobby, who stood at the head, conjured up a kazoo and the other elves followed suit.

**279. -Especially not with kazoos.**

* * *

><p>"Ms. Gibran, it has come to my attention that you may have taken Ms. Greengrass' book bag and placed it in the disappearing toilet, is this true?" Professor McGonagall asked. Jael looked intently at the Professor and waved her hand slowly in front of her face.<p>

"These are not the droids you are looking for," she said in a low, calm voice.

**282. When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.**

* * *

><p>Felina kicked in the door to Snapes class room, startling his third year Gryffindor Sytherin class. She brandished a wooden sword at the Potions Master and glared.

"Ms. Accius, what is the meaning of this?" he demanded.

"'Ello, my name is Felina Accius, you kill my father, prepare to die," Felina declared and began chasing after the Professor, waving the wooden toy.

**307. Professor Snape did not kill my father and does not deserve to die.**

* * *

><p>The potions classroom was rocked by a massive explosion. Smoke poured from the door that had been hastily flung open. Snape barked at the students to hurry out of the classroom. They staggered out into the hallway, coughing.<p>

"That's the last time I do that," Lulu said. Snape whirled around on her and grabbed her by the shoulders.

"What exactly was it that you did, Ms. Bolt?" he asked trough gritted teeth.

"Put the ingredients in backwards?" Lulu asked with a smile.

**310. I will not follow potion instructions in reverse order 'to see what happens'.**

* * *

><p>Jael watched as Snape spat vicious words at a student whose potions attempt had melted her cauldron.<p>

"Professor?" she called.

"What, Ms. Gibran?" Snape sneered.

"You know what your problem is?" she asked. A hush fell over the class at the ballsie question. A dangerous glint came to Snape's eyes and he arched a brow at her.

"Do tell, Ms. Gibran," he snarled.

"You need to get laid," she declared. The class burst out laughing as Snapes face took on an alarming shade of red, whether it was from anger or embarrassment, it was hard to say.

**321. Professor Snape's problem is not that "he needs to get laid".**

* * *

><p>Peeves floated down the hall, peeking into dark corridors as he went. When he found the one he was looking for, his face split into a grin and he darted inside, dropping down to hover next to Felina.<p>

"Do you have it?" the spirit asked excitedly.

"Do you?" Felina countered.

"Of course!" Peeves said, slightly offended. "The password is 'Half a Prince." Felina grinned and reached into her school bag, pulling out a flip-top box labeled 'Dungbombs'. Peeves cackled and snatched it from Felina with a smile.

**326. Providing Peeves with a case of dungbombs was a socially irresponsible action, and I will not do it again.**

* * *

><p><strong>DHMB: Yay! Another chapter! I can also take request's if anyone wishes for me to do a certain rule. Other's have commented about this being in the Harry Draco section and there doesn't seem to be much Harry/ Draco action. This is because most of the rule involving Harry/Draco seem to be at the end of this list. When I had finished this the first time there were a few but since I have taken it down and am re-doing it, they are not yet up. I did have this in another section originally but I kept getting all these homophobes and shit and just got tired of it. I actually went back and changed rule 136 because I got an idea that went along with the Harry/Draco theme more. Yay!**


	5. AN sorry not a chap

A/n: Hey, I will be adding more rules since my friend got in on this with me, however since we're going back through the rules and I'm kinda OCD about chronological order I will be going back and adding them in and rearranging the chapters. Sorry for the inconvinence. I'm gonna try and do it all at once so you won't have to keep going back and checking to see if I've changed anything.

And to the cowardly basturd who posted this flame:

what the fuck?

I literally have nothing good to say. This isn't funny, it's not interesting, it's clearly in the wrong category, and your characters are beyond obnoxious.

How old are you, nine? Because I can't imagine anyone out of the fourth grade would find this funny.

You seem to be the only person who thinks it's not funny.

You must just have no life and straight up no sense of humor. I think you should get laid more. Must be a sad and pathetic existance for you to just sit in your comp chair, whack off and think on how you can piss other people off and be a douche today. You are literally the only person I've come across who doesn't think it's funny. Like I said, go get laid or have that cobb surgically removed from your ass.

And to "I'm sorry but this is just stupid." who I'm pretty sure is the same person as the other two, seriously dude, you need to get a life and get laid. I really do know who you or at least the other people are, I'm not stupid, you're a no life douche, wtf ever. Go fuck yourself you dumb little slut. your the sperm your mother should have swallowed.

On a side note...Fanfiction's constant changes to how your own personal options are displayed are starting to really tick me off. For some ungodly reason my PM's show up ALL OVER THE BLOODY PLACE! It looks like an IPhone text session but someone smashed the screen against the pavement. Super annoying. Does anyone know how to fix this or do I just have to deal with it. The replies overlap and I can't even read what's written! Ugh. Anyway...

I also apologize to those who don't have an account of have to log in to review...I took of unsigned reviews since someone was sending a bunch of random flames. Though I have a pretty good idea of who the little bitch is and she/ he has been delt with. Honestly I do the fanfiction for fun and it's usually typed up on my phone. The kids don't want anything to do with me for an hour or so and I just can't bring mysel to wash YET another load of laundry so I type up an idea or two. At least until I hear a peircing scream from the other room or said laundry starts chasing me down. I've gotten a few more out than normal simply due to the fact that the people upstairs are moving in and they seem to be literally THROWING the damn furniture around at ten at night. I apologize for any grammer of spelling mistakes and the no doubt numerous typos but between the kids turning off the comp, the power cord getting pulled out by the dog and typing it up on my phone (which we all know how success ful thumb typing is) not to mention my hands are deformed, you're just gonna have to deal with it since I can't seem to find a decent Beta. They all abandon me T-T.


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